Remembering Arnie Weiner

I first met Arnie Weiner in 1975. I was 23 and was in Detroit, pursuing a relationship that ended three months after my arrival. One day, I sauntered into the BBYO office and enquired whether they had any part-time jobs available. Esther, the secretary said no, but they were looking for a full-time AZA Director. I said “Sure- that sounds great”, and Esther introduced me to Arnie. It was the first day of my career in Jewish Community service, which has now spanned close to a half-century.

Arnie was my first supervisor and, without question the finest I ever had in my career in the Jewish community. Supervision was important and, without fail, we met every week. He required that I prepare an agenda in advance, and we talked through each item thoroughly.

I remember one supervisory session right after a regional conference. I told him that while the program went over well, I was frustrated that the teen chairs of the event did not step up. He said: “So you’re saying that the program was a success, the process was a failure.” Arnie taught me perhaps the most important lesson I have ever learned as a Jewish professional; ultimately, we are not in the planning business, we are in the people business. The programs we planned with BBYOers were mediums to engage teens, connect them to Jewish life, teach them leadership skills, and provide them with opportunities to learn and grow. Over the course of his long tenure as Executive Director of Michigan Region BBYO, Arnie engaged, educated, and elevated thousands of teens, many of whom went on to become leaders of their communities.

Our time in the BBYO office was strictly business.  There was always work to be done. But every Friday at noon, the staff headed to the Southfield Mall for coneys.  Arnie always ordered the same “two coneys with heavy everything” (hot dogs piled high with mustard and onions). Being kosher, I also ordered the same thing every week - grilled cheese and fries. This was a time for friendship, for warmth, for joking around.  Arnie understood the value of this collegiality and knew that a time and a place had to be reserved for it.

The two years I had the great privilege of working with Arnie were among the most important two years of my life. It was Arnie who helped me understand our responsibility to our community and to the professionals I supervise.

A half-century later, as the co-founder and Executive Director of the Jewish Grandparents Network, Arnie’s lessons still guide my work. At a time when we seem highly focused on “SMART goals” and KPI’s (key performance indicators), I think of Arnie and I am reminded that we are not in the programming business; we are in the people business. If our programs are a quantitative success, but if the process of nurturing relationships, elevating people, and building and building community is a failure, what have we achieved?  We bring together professionals and volunteers and collaborate with organizations. Together, we seek to elevate Jewish life and our Jewish community. And as professionals and as human beings, we learn and grow together.

Arnie Weiner was an “Ish Tam”. A simple man. His wardrobe consisted mainly of slacks, short-sleeve shirts, and Hush Puppy shoes.  He drove a tan four-door Dodge Dart and lived in a simple home in Royal Oak.

But, in our Jewish tradition, an Ish Tam connotates not only someone who lives simply, but one who lives with honor, humility, and dignity. The phrase “Ish Tam” first appeared in Genesis 6:9, in introducing Noah:

אֵ֚לֶּה תּוֹלְדֹ֣ת נֹ֔חַ נֹ֗חַ אִ֥ישׁ צַדִּ֛יק תָּמִ֥ים הָיָ֖ה בְּדֹֽרֹתָ֑יו אֶת־הָֽאֱלֹהִ֖ים הִֽתְהַלֶּךְ־נֹֽחַ׃ 

This is the line of Noah.—Noah was a righteous man; he was blameless in his age; Noah walked with God. (“Ish Tamim” is the phrase used in the Bible - Tamim being the plural of tam).

Without question, Arnie was a righteous man who walked with God. Our Jewish profession and our Jewish people were blessed by his life. His memory is a blessing.

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