The Drama Triangle in Each of Us

After reading "The Fifteen Commitments of Conscious Leadership" and completing a four-part introductory workshop facilitated by the Conscious Leadership Group, I discovered several profound insights. Among the most interesting learnings was a radical rethinking of the "Drama Triangle".

Many of us are familiar with this dynamic, where co-workers and family members take on shape-shifting roles as "victim", "villain", or "hero". As the drama plays out, typical patterns emerge:

• When we accuse someone of being a "villain", that person shifts into "victim" mode, labeling us as the villain and blaming us for the dynamic.

• Alternatively, someone steps forward as a "hero", and the villain turns to them, who then becomes the "victim".

The cycle perpetuates itself, creating a continuous loop of interpersonal tension.

The Internal Drama Triangle

What the Conscious Leadership Group workshop revealed was a transformative perspective: what if we view these roles within ourselves? When a difficult dynamic occurs at work or home, we actually take on all three roles in a revolving sequence:

1. Victim: We first assume the role of the "victim", feeling overwhelmed and beset by the challenging situation.

2. Hero: We then move to the "hero" role, thinking, "I can handle this. I'm going to make sure everybody is happy."

3. Villain: Finally, we become the "villain", blaming others or ourselves. This might sound like: "This is all my fault" or, to quote Oliver Hardy, "This is another fine mess you've gotten me into."

“Go Ahead and Jump”

(Thank you, Van Halen)

During the workshop, facilitators used an innovative approach to help participants explore these roles. We were encouraged to:

• Print out three pages, each bearing one word from the drama triangle: "victim", "villain", and "hero"

• Place each piece of paper on the floor

• Think of a current difficult situation

• Physically jump from one piece of paper to another

• Declare what we might say when assuming each role, e.g., as hero, “I’ll make myself feel better by eating chocolate.”

While the exercise might sound goofy, participants found it surprisingly fun and profoundly insightful.

We Have Met the Enemy and He is Us

(nods to Pogo)

Embracing this framework is both challenging and liberating. Owning these three internal states pushes us toward greater self-reflection and reduces our tendency to point fingers at others. It's often far easier to view someone else as a "villain" than to recognize that role within ourselves.

The key revelation? None of these three roles—victim, villain, or hero—are ultimately helpful or constructive. By recognizing and understanding our internal drama, we can move toward more genuine, compassionate interactions. And while we’re at it, give ourselves a break.

Here's a fun video on the Drama Triangle from the Conscious Leadership Group - https://conscious.is/video/understanding-the-drama-triangle-vs-presence

To learn more about the Conscious Leadership Group, visit their home page https://conscious.is/

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